Guilty Conscience
by Switchblades and Sunsets
Summary: 8-year-old Laurie never meant to set that old church on fire. She never meant to cause the death of one of her heroes. Sometimes, a guilty heart doesn't let go of old memories...


**Here's my interpretation of what happened at the old church. It's in the POV of one of the rescued kids. I might continue with it, maybe not. Depends on whether people like it. :)**

**I do not own The Outsiders... Obviously.**

**Enjoy! :)**

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I didn't _mean_ to set that church on fire... I didn't _mean_ to cut short the life of that boy. But I did both of these things anyway. When I was just eight years old.

They say you only remember 1% of your entire life. I don't know about the others, but I'm sure that day was part of _my_ 1%...

_XXX_

_"Susie... Are you really, really sure this is a good idea?" I asked hesitantly. I really didn't want to get in trouble again. My mommy was going to be so mad..._

_"Oh, don't be such a scaredy-cat, Laurie. They'll never find out if no one tells on us." She grinned in anticipation._

_Susie had promised that she'd give me her slice of dessert if I went with her. It's not like she didn't have any other company for this brand-new trick of hers... I was just her best friend. I smiled proudly. Out of all my classmates, Susie had picked _me_ as her best friend for life._

_A couple other kids were also coming with us on our adventure to the old church on Jay Mountain. It had been a subject no one could stop talking about on the walk to the picnic site--- Quietly of course. Our teachers never had a clue._

_"Okay... Let's go." I said, trying to keep the waver out of my voice._

_Our picnic site was very close to the church. We crawled in through a hole in the boarded-up door. I wondered why there was a hole in the first place, but as soon as we got in, all other thoughts disappeared._

_"Wow..." All five of us said in unison._

_The place was so spooky... There was no doubt in my mind that ghosts lived here. A book was lying on the floor, along with scattered cards and burnt-out cigarettes._

_We wandered in different directions, having more fun than we ever had on a school field trip. It felt so exciting to break the rules! Why ever had I been so scared?_

_There was one cigarette butt that was still half-lighted. I picked it up curiously, and looked at the tiny little flame burning at the end of it. I had always loved fire, something that my parents and friends never understood._

_The tiny glow was so small... I wanted to watch a bigger one. I looked around for a bit of dry grass, finding some easily. Watching in wonder, I connected the cigarette with the grass. _

_"Hey, Laurie, whatcha playing with?" _

_Jeffrey was standing behind me, leaning forward to get a better look at my little torch. I mumbled a hurried answer to his question, not paying much attention to him. By now, everyone was surrounding me, and I was thrilled to be the center of attention for once._

_I added more and more dry stuff to my fire, with my friends all watching in awe. It got bigger and bigger, and I would never admit it, but it was getting bigger without my help now._

_I was starting to get worried. I blew on it, to try to put it out, but for some reason, that just made it get bigger._

_"Laurie, make it stop!"_

_"It's too big!"_

_"Put it out!"_

_I wanted to! I was trying, really trying! I stomped on it and blew on it desperately, but it just got bigger and more out of my control. I was so scared, and my classmates were starting to cry._

_"Susie! Help me put it out! I can't do it on my own!" I half-sobbed._

_My friend did try to help, she really did, but the fire burned her hand and she screamed. _

_"I can't! I wanna get out of here!" _

_I curled up into a ball, crying harder than I've ever cried. I only just turned eight, I couldn't do this! _

_All around me, my four classmates were doing pretty much the same thing. We whimpered and slid closer together as the fire started burning the walls and the floor of the church._

_Where was the teacher?! Where was daddy?!_

_The fire surrounded us, and I screamed as it burned through a piece of the wall, making the plank crash down in front of us._

_"Help! Help us!!!"_

_Only Scott had enough sense left to yell for help. The rest of us quickly joined in, and through all the screams I could hear people on the outside of the church._

_I barely noticed when two older boys burst in through the half-collapsing door, telling us to shut up. Even in my panic, I stared in surprise. I'd never seen these boys before... We lived in such a tight little town that I could usually recognise anyone from a block away._

_The golden-haired boy lifted Scott up, and just about shoved him out the nearest window. I was scared in a different way now--- My mom had always told me never to talk to strangers. _

_The boy with black hair had quickly picked up Jeffrey, Susie, and David in turn, dropping them out of the window. Only I was left now._

_Someone from outside the church was yelling something, but being pretty much ignored by his friends. Both of the boys were coughing hard, and I wondered why they were here, for the first time._

_After lifting me out as well, the first boy climbed out of the window himself. I wasn't paying much attention to my heroes by then. I was just so happy to be out of the fiery nightmare._

_I heard a creaking sound from inside the burning building, then a huge crack as well. The whole roof was falling down, and the black-haired boy was still in the church!_

_I covered my face with my hands, breathing twice as fast as I usually did. I barely noticed that I was still crying until Mr. Wood started patting my shoulder and saying, "There, there. It's alright now, Laurie."_

_But it wasn't! Not for one of the guys that went in to save us. He didn't have to do that, but he did, and now he was probably really hurt! It was all my fault..._

_Someone was leading me away from the building, but I couldn't see through my tears._

_Soon enough, I was back at the picnic-site, along with David, Scott, Susie, and Jeffrey. I cried for a while longer, but soon I was out of tears. I was so tired... And somehow, after all that, I still managed to fall asleep._

_***_

I never saw the faces of my heroes again. When I'd woken up, I was in a hospital bed, with my friends beside me. I'd asked my teachers what the names of the boys were: Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny Cade. My eight-year-old head could scarcely believe it when they'd told me the boys were wanted for murder. Later, my parents told me Johnny had died from his burns.

I had cried for hours when I'd heard. Even then, I'd known it was all my fault.

I've lived with that guilt for six years now.

Yesterday, I'd finally gotten the chance I'd desperately wanted for so long. It was my birthday present... I was now 14, the same age Ponyboy Curtis had been when he, along with Johnny Cade, saved the lives of me and my four classmates. Finally, I could tell him in person how thankful, and how sorry I was. I only hoped that it wasn't too late.

I clutched the train ticket to Tulsa tightly, as if it was my only lifesaver. In a way, that was just what it was.

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**What do you think? :) Reviews would make me very happy...**


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